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The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes

Filed Under Humor

geek-chuck-norris-small

1. When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
2. All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
3. Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
4. Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
5. Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
6. Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
7. Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
8. Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
9. All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
10. MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (he just lets you use it).
11. Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
12. Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
13. The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
14. Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
15. Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
17. “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
18. Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
19. Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
20. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
21. Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
22. Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
23. Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
24. Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
25. When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”.

Got any more? Comment them below…

The Vendor Client Relationship (In Real World Situations)

Filed Under Humor

ROFL, I think I peed my pants laughing so hard. The truth is funny…

Breaking News: Atlassian Acquires GreenHopper

Filed Under Announcements

This just in from the Atlassian Summit – Atlassian Acquires GreenHopper!

This is pretty big news for those who like virtual kanban boards tied to an issue tracker. Here is the press release that will be released:


San Francisco (Business Wire) June 1, 2009 — Today Atlassian announced the acquisition of GreenHopper for JIRA from Pyxis Technologies. With over 900 customers globally, GreenHopper for JIRA adds key agile project management capabilities to JIRA, including release planning, task management and burn down charts.

agile @ Atlassian
Atlassian is already well known by agile software development teams for providing tools that complement agile practices, including Continuous Integration (Bamboo), Code Reviews (Crucible) and Code Coverage Analysis (Clover).

According to Mike Cannon-Brookes, Atlassian CEO and co-founder, “We want to give agile developers a seamless approach to project management within JIRA. GreenHopper is hands-down one of the best tools for agile project management and we’re thrilled to bring the product on board.”

In tandem with the acquisition, Atlassian has launched a new minisite called “agile @ Atlassian” to share perspectives on agile software development and explain how Atlassian engineers use agile software techniques themselves. Visit www.atlassian.com/agile

Pyxis Technologies is a preferred Atlassian agile training partner.

Great Integrations

GreenHopper for JIRA is generally available with three Atlassian product offerings: JIRA, JIRA Enterprise Hosted and JIRA Studio.

“The impact of GreenHopper for JIRA’s customers will be substantial,” according to one customer, Cody Burleson, “GreenHopper vastly improves the ability to prioritize and visualize priorities in JIRA and this is something every JIRA user can appreciate regardless of any particular purpose of use – whether that is bug tracking, trouble ticketing, project management, Agile development or anything else.”

GreenHopper comes fully integrated into JIRA Studio, Atlassian’s agile development suite, at no additional charge. JIRA Studio integrates popular Atlassian products as a hosted integrated service, including JIRA, Confluence, FishEye, Crucible and the Open Source source control manager, Subversion. The entire suite starts at nly $25/user/month.
GreenHopper can be purchased as an add-on for JIRA Enterprise Hosted and JIRA standalone software. Pricing for GreenHopper starts at $350 for a perpetual-use license.

JIRA is used by more than 12,000 organizations for bug tracking and software project management. Customers include Adobe, Accenture, American Express, BBC, Boeing, Deutsche Bank, Lockheed Martin, Nikon, Oracle, Rackspace, Sony, US Navy, and many others.

For more information, a free evaluation, or pricing, visit http://www.atlassian.com/greenhopper

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