Imagine this – the wrestler Triple H comes out of nowhere and slams you up against the wall. He is yelling something about you and his girlfriend.
Now [having thoroughly pissed yourself] you have to get yourself out of this situation. What personality traits would you need to survive this situation? Strength? Intelligence? Courage?
Although this is an extreme situation, inter-office battles can be just as threating, and I would deal with the situation the same passive way in the office as I would Triple H – with the 3 H’s:
Honesty
First and foremost, never get caught in a lie (you are in a bad situation so don’t make it worse), and the easiest way to avoid getting caught lying is to be honest.
Sometimes being honest isn’t enough, and you have outwardly show you are sincerely honest. Showing someone that your are sincere and honest gives the impression you are attempting to sympathize, thus making a tough situation a little easier.
Humbleness
In really bad situations, it is never good to be confrontational. Being confrontational escalates the situation because you are attempting to win, not resolve the current issues.
Try and place yourself in other’s shoes. You should be humble enough to recognize that there is a distinct possibility that your point of view is wrong. If you lack humbleness, you can’t view situations from different angles and thus lack the ability to learn from others.
Humility
For me, it is imperative to be humiliated in these situations for a number of reasons.
First, the physical feeling of embarrassment tells me to mediate more on why the situation escalated. Deeper thinking helps to determine answers for the problem today, as well as preventive steps for tomorrow.
Second, humiliation allows one to remove pretentious images of self worth.
Third, without humility you can not be humble.
Winning office battles is not about yelling matches or demolishing other people. Successful developers can deal with these situations in a calm manner while learning more about their environment, teammates, and themselves. If still none of this works, then throw a folding chair.