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The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes

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1. When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
2. All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
3. Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
4. Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
5. Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
6. Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
7. Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
8. Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
9. All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
10. MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (he just lets you use it).
11. Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
12. Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
13. The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
14. Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
15. Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
17. “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
18. Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
19. Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
20. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
21. Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
22. Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
23. Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
24. Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
25. When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”.

Got any more? Comment them below…

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Comments

216 Responses to “The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes”

  1. developingchris on June 15th, 2009 6:21 am

    A much needed Monday morning laugh ensued.
    Thanks Max

  2. Uetzicle on June 15th, 2009 9:11 am

    Chuck Norris CAN divide by 0.

  3. David on June 15th, 2009 9:31 am

    Chuck Norris’ keyboard has 2 keys: 0 and 1.

  4. Photo Sharing on June 15th, 2009 3:47 pm

    LOL brilliant.

    My favorite is ”
    16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.”

  5. Martin on June 15th, 2009 5:37 pm

    LOL. I didn’t even know there were funny Chuck Norris jokes! How about this:

    Reasons hacking is easy for Chuck Norris

    1. Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
    2. To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.
    3. Malicious File Execution. Nuff said.
    4. Chuck Norris doesn’t need sudo, he just types “Chuck Norris” before his commands.
    5. Two words: Brute Force.

  6. Dustin on June 15th, 2009 11:30 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.

  7. ay on June 16th, 2009 1:35 am

    Chuck Norris can access private methods.

  8. myself on June 16th, 2009 1:54 am

    Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.

    Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.

  9. Chuck Norris Programmer Facts | iThoughts.de on June 16th, 2009 3:57 am

    [...] this list from this article and the [...]

  10. Hechos sobre Chuck Norris (para programadores) Online on June 16th, 2009 4:54 am

    [...] El resto en inglés en CodeSqueeze [...]

  11. quaddy on June 16th, 2009 7:36 am

    The class object inherits from Chuck Norris

  12. drecksding on June 16th, 2009 7:39 am

    Very nice jokes :)

    Parent is the child of Chuck Norris.

  13. jcube on June 16th, 2009 9:47 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use strongly-typed languages. He uses strong languages.

  14. Rod Claar on June 16th, 2009 10:17 am

    LOL! Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.

    On the flip side, who pays attention to estimates anyway!

  15. Jason on June 16th, 2009 1:40 pm

    For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).

  16. Alex on June 16th, 2009 5:38 pm

    Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.

  17. blckholehorizon on June 16th, 2009 6:33 pm

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get compiler errors, the language changes itself
    to accommodate CN

    All Starbucks baristas know Java in fear that one day Chuck Norris walks in and demands it.

    Bill Gates thinks he’s Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.

    The programs that Chuck Norris writes don’t have version numbers because he only writes them once. If a user reports a bug or has a feature request they don’t live to see the sun set.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in floating point numbers because they can’t be typed on his binary keyboard.

    Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let’s Steve Jobs run the show when he’s on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a
    mission.

    Steve Jobs medical condition is Chuck Norris.

  18. JohnFx on June 16th, 2009 9:40 pm

    Chuck Norris’ Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.

  19. JohnFX on June 16th, 2009 9:43 pm

    Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here’s the pseudo-code:

    Break salesman into N pieces.
    Kick each piece to a different city.

  20. The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes at Shaun MacRae on June 16th, 2009 11:41 pm
  21. The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes « Sign0ff on June 17th, 2009 4:32 am

    [...] via [...]

  22. Mikael Grev on June 17th, 2009 10:51 pm

    No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.

  23. fabio on June 18th, 2009 1:11 am

    try to imagine why the kernel is in panic
    3 option
    1 – chuck norris
    2 – chuck norris
    3 – chuck norris

  24. rakesh juyal on June 18th, 2009 3:32 am

    > When chuck norris point to NULL, Null scares.
    > The function Chuck Norris writes can not have arguments

  25. Chuck Norris on June 18th, 2009 6:32 am

    26. When I access a website I know all the people who writes, is writing, and will write in it and I can backtrace all of you.

  26. Chris Wash on June 18th, 2009 12:59 pm

    “[T]here is no single development, in either technology or management technique, which by itself promises even one order-of-magnitude [tenfold] improvement within a decade in productivity, in reliability, in simplicity” …except for Chuck Norris.

  27. Anon Omas on June 18th, 2009 3:40 pm

    Here’s what Chuck Norris didn’t tell you:
    Before a website is created, Chuck Norris knows all the people who write, are writing, and will write in it and can backtrace all of them.

  28. Justin Baker on June 18th, 2009 6:44 pm

    Chuck Norris never gets a syntax error.
    Instead, The language gets an DoesNotConformToChuck error.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t program with a keyboard.
    He stares the computer down until it does what he wants.

  29. Guy on June 19th, 2009 12:12 pm

    “Chuck Norris doesn’t pair program.”

  30. Dave on June 19th, 2009 1:16 pm

    Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.

  31. Dave on June 19th, 2009 1:19 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.

  32. Abram on June 19th, 2009 2:09 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.

  33. CodeReflection on June 19th, 2009 2:50 pm

    There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris’ keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.

  34. Rider on June 19th, 2009 2:52 pm

    Chuck Norris can inherit from sealed/final classes.

  35. Scott on June 19th, 2009 3:09 pm

    Haven’t you heard? Richard Stallman is the new Chuck Norris.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/675jj/richard_stallman_is_the_new_chuck_norris

  36. Mike on June 19th, 2009 3:35 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t delete files, he “Blows them away”.

  37. Sanil on June 19th, 2009 3:49 pm

    Chuck Norris don’t need paaswords to access your system, he simply types * and system gives him access.

  38. Trevor Power on June 19th, 2009 3:53 pm

    Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.

  39. Sanil on June 19th, 2009 3:56 pm

    Chuck norris breaks RSA 128-bit encrypted codes in mill-seconds

  40. Kartones on June 19th, 2009 4:11 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.

    Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop

    If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves

  41. Hugh on June 19th, 2009 4:20 pm

    Visual SourceSafe actually works for Chuck Norris.

  42. saraford on June 19th, 2009 4:57 pm

    Intellisense doesn’t come from code. Intellisense comes from Chuck Norris’s mind.

  43. brad on June 19th, 2009 5:33 pm

    Chuck Norris can read all encrypted data, because nothing can hide from Chuck Norris.

  44. Gal on June 19th, 2009 5:47 pm

    Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed

  45. Greg on June 19th, 2009 6:21 pm

    LOL @ Hugh… vss… blah

  46. Anon on June 19th, 2009 8:40 pm

    @Kartones What do you mean “the bugs fix themselves”? Chuck Norris doesn’t write bugs. Period.

    When a bug sees Chuck Norris, it flees screaming in terror, and then immediately self-destructs to avoid being roundhouse-kicked.

  47. VonC on June 20th, 2009 1:49 am

    Chuck Norris and “programming”? I think there has been a mix-up here.

    What you meant was: “The Ultimate Jon Skeet “The Programmer” Jokes”, because when it comes to programming, Jon is the new Chuck (and he is no joke ;) He is real).

    Those Jon Skeet’s facts are here (since late November 2008 actually):

    http://stackoverflow.com/questions/305223/jon-skeet-facts

  48. Rakesh Juyal on June 20th, 2009 3:03 am

    Lol, Awesome:

    Rider:
    Chuck Norris can inherit from sealed/final classes.

    Trevor Power:
    Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.

    anon:
    When a bug sees Chuck Norris, it flees screaming in terror, and then immediately self-destructs to avoid being roundhouse-kicked.

    and now
    @VonC:
    Chuck once spat to create Jon Skeet for SO guys

  49. roger on June 20th, 2009 10:15 am

    Jack Bauer doesnt needs to know the last PI digit! If need for national security matters, he will make PI confess which is the last digit and who really is behind it!

  50. cüneyt arkın kod yazarsa « mascix on June 20th, 2009 2:13 pm

    [...] yazı şurdan çıktı. okurken yarıldım gülmekten hemen cüneyt arkınlısını yapam [...]

  51. Top 25 Chuck Norris frases Programadores on June 20th, 2009 4:28 pm

    [...] The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes Etiquetas: CHUCK NORRIS, lol, Programación Entradas relacionadas [...]

  52. Weekly Link Post 99 « Rhonda Tipton’s WebLog on June 21st, 2009 3:26 am

    [...] Pool lists The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes. Comments are fun to read [...]

  53. Saul on June 22nd, 2009 9:33 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t ask the computer to do some tasks, he just force it to do them

  54. Robz on June 23rd, 2009 11:35 am

    Chuck Norris command line:

    Chuck Norris>

    Error, nothing follows Chuck Norris.

  55. Jeff on June 24th, 2009 2:13 pm

    Instead of writing the assigned “Hello World” program in CSc 110, Chuck Norris rewrote the Google search engine from scratch.

  56. Federico on July 1st, 2009 3:03 am

    “Chuck Norris doesn’t need the cloud to scale his applications, he uses his laptop”

  57. QuickLinks vom 17. Juni bis zum 2. Juli — instant-thinking.de on July 2nd, 2009 4:51 am

    [...] The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes – [...]

  58. Dean Zahavy on July 8th, 2009 12:36 pm

    Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI

  59. Inbal Pinhas on July 9th, 2009 11:43 am

    Chuck Norris’s keyboard has the Any key.

  60. gregf on July 9th, 2009 3:57 pm

    Chuck Norris’ programs never exit, they terminate!

    Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.

    Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.

    Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.

    Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.

    Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.

  61. Torento on July 10th, 2009 11:08 am

    If Chuck Norris sings karaoke you better not smile

  62. Benjamin Gleitzman on July 13th, 2009 10:46 am

    Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime

  63. hk on July 14th, 2009 6:33 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need an OS.

    Chuck Norris’s OSI network model has only one layer- Physical.

  64. Tomislav on July 20th, 2009 1:52 am

    Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.

  65. Momo on July 30th, 2009 4:41 am

    Chuck Norris does not declare vars. He owns them.

    All items in linked lists are linking to Chuck Norris.

    Bubble sort, quick sort, bla bla sort.
    Chuck Norris does not sort, he sorts things out.
    Chuck Norris does not sort. He creates order!
    Chuck Norris does not sort. He says what he wants and gets it.
    Chuck Norris does not sort. He doesn’t need to. He gives a name, and the searched data steps forward.

    Chuck Norris does not execute transactions. He makes’em pay!

    Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit “COMMIT” in its end.

    Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always…

    Chuck Norris never gets “data-trancated” error. Instead, his run-time environment logs “variable-extended”.

    Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.

    Chuck Norris does need specifications. He has a technical writer to describe what he had done.

    Well…

  66. ben dyer on August 11th, 2009 6:14 pm

    Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.

  67. Vincent on August 13th, 2009 10:01 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris

  68. New Web Content Actually Worth Reading (August 2009) at Helge Klein on August 20th, 2009 3:16 pm

    [...] more Chuck Norris jokes, these are mostly for programmers. Example: “Chuck Norris can access private [...]

  69. RFC – ChuckNorris Plugin « Blog on September 9th, 2009 9:30 am

    [...] plugin displays a picture of Chuck Norris, instead of Hudson the butler, and a random Chuck Norris ‘The Programmer’ fact on each build [...]

  70. Monis Iqbal on September 27th, 2009 2:25 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need version controlling because all his source files are prohibited to have revision number greater than 1.

  71. fanoid on September 29th, 2009 4:42 am

    Chuck Norris can tag himself in Youtube

  72. doğum günü hediyesi on October 11th, 2009 2:06 am

    Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive

  73. noyo on October 12th, 2009 8:22 pm

    Chick Norris solved the halting problem.

  74. Awsumo 3000 on October 28th, 2009 6:59 pm

    Chuck Norris doesnt cheat death. he wins fair and square

    Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves

  75. bader on November 1st, 2009 4:14 am

    With Chuck Norris P = NP. There’s no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions !

  76. Dan on November 2nd, 2009 5:35 am

    The big bang happened when Mr T complained Chuck wasn’t logging his time in Jira.

  77. Dan on November 2nd, 2009 5:40 am

    Chuck only does linear decision trees.

  78. abbie on November 10th, 2009 12:16 am

    Chuck Noriss put the fun in funral

  79. p3t3 1337 on November 11th, 2009 4:16 pm

    chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did

  80. xXNXEXWXBXx on November 16th, 2009 9:15 pm

    Chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

    Chuck norris can win in a game of rush and rolet with a fully loaded gun

    Chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hiding

    Chuck norris eats lightning and shits out thunder

  81. hellzbellz on November 19th, 2009 9:58 pm

    if you have $5 and chuck norris has $5, chuck norris has more money than you.

    if you have $50 and chuck norris has $50 dollars, chuck norris still has more money than you,
    because you don’t have money.you borrow it from chuck norris.

  82. Joe C on November 24th, 2009 1:09 am

    Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.

  83. cedric on November 24th, 2009 8:30 am

    If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    When Chuck Norris falls into water, chuck doesnt get wet, water gets Chuck Norris.

  84. Tim Scott on November 25th, 2009 9:58 am

    No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.

    No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris’ code and lived to tell about it.

  85. sjk on November 26th, 2009 3:06 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need Google. Google needs Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can order programs run faster.

    Chuck Norris will kill all programs that perform an illegal operation.

    Chuck Norris does not sort, he orders.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use Oracle, he is the Oracle.

  86. Lee on November 28th, 2009 7:37 pm

    Chuck Norris runs Windows 7 on his etch-a-sketch.

    “I’m a PC and Windows 7 was Chuck Norris’ idea!”

  87. jsg on December 1st, 2009 10:55 pm

    Someone once emailed Chuck Norris about a mandatory CMMI meeting. Chuck Norris emailed a blank reply with no subject and one attachment… roundhouse kick to the face.

  88. Emil Johansen / AngryAnt on December 3rd, 2009 6:15 am

    Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.

  89. william on December 3rd, 2009 6:30 am

    under his beard chuck norris dosn’t have a chin he has a third fist

  90. ethan on December 3rd, 2009 9:41 pm

    Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

  91. cretz on December 4th, 2009 11:37 am

    A diff between your code and Chuck Norris’s is infinite.

    My Chuck Norris Eclipse plugin made alien contact.

    Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.

    Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.

    Don’t worry about tests, Chuck Norris’s test cases cover your code too.

    Each hair in Chuck Norris’s beard contribute to make the world’s largest DDOS.

    Chuck Norris’s log statements are always at the FATAL level.

    Chuck Norris’s database has only one table, ‘Kick’, which he DROPs frequently.

  92. ian on December 4th, 2009 11:50 am

    Chuck Norris’ css uses the kick-box-model

  93. Brenan on December 4th, 2009 2:37 pm

    chuck norris finished world of warcraft lol brilliant XD

  94. Akila dslv on December 5th, 2009 5:30 am

    Chuk Norris’s PC hard drive can store up to infinity! the message box ” Low disk space” or ” No disk space try again” will not be applicable to Chuk Norrise at any level!!

  95. Akila dslv on December 5th, 2009 5:45 am

    Chuk Norrise can write SQL statements to retrieve data from NULL points!

    ERROR! will NEVER appear when Chuk Norrise is using the PC

    Chuk Norrise’s files and documents are saved as .chuk files

    Chuk Norrise’s laptop battery will never die without power. the battery wish to die only by Chuk’s Roundhouse kick!!

  96. Eric Manuguerra on December 8th, 2009 2:24 pm

    When Chuck Norris break the build, you can’t fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.

  97. Florian on December 16th, 2009 9:27 am

    Chuck Norris types with 2 fingers.
    He points them at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.

  98. Florian on December 16th, 2009 9:33 am

    Chuck Norris’s programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.

    If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris’s programs, it backfires.

    Chuck Norris’s brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.

  99. jduque on January 1st, 2010 2:13 pm

    Chuck Norris CAN drink and drive.

  100. Thimo on January 3rd, 2010 12:49 pm

    Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds

  101. Phil on January 6th, 2010 3:54 pm

    Contrary to Popular Belif Chuck Norris’ First Program wasn’t nicknamed “HelloWorld” it was “GoodbyeWorld” because it was too simple!

  102. Madan on January 15th, 2010 4:13 am

    Chuck Norris writes progrom with self destructor bug, if it happens to raise, it will destroy itself.

  103. bob on January 22nd, 2010 8:49 am

    when chuck norris is on the tv you dont watch chuck norris chuck norris watches you !!!

  104. Stupid Java Tricks » Break the Build? Face the Wrath of Chuck Norris. on January 22nd, 2010 3:23 pm

    [...] If these make you laugh then this plugin is definitely for you. Once installed, a random Chuck Norris Programmer fact will appear on your build page along with a picture of Chuck Norris. His demeanor in that [...]

  105. Manuel on January 27th, 2010 10:02 pm

    Chuck Norris can make void functions return a value
    Chuck norris can use VB in a Mac
    Windows does not ask chuk norris a password, chuck norris ask Windows for a password
    chuck norris doesnt need to use endif

  106. Evert on February 4th, 2010 3:11 am

    For all those of you who like SCRUM:

    All projects become Agile when Chuck Norris is looking.

    Chuck Norris has the shortest scrum meetings in town.

    There is only one person standing in a Chuck Norris scrum meeting.

    Stand-up meetings never work for Chuck Norris. Would you like to stand up to him?

    Chuck Norris never has a Backlog. It flies in stark terror when he starts telling Stories.

    Chuck Norris considers Sprints futile. He’ll catch you anyway!

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a Sprint to hit his targets.

    It is not necessary to isolate Chuck Norris during a Sprint. No-one can keep up with him anyway.

    Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.

    Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.

  107. Ameya Gargesh on February 8th, 2010 3:28 am

    Just before you get the Blue Screen Of Death in windows you get a picture of Chuck Norris for a microsecond. This is called the Blue Screen Of Chuck and means that Chuck got to your computer before Gates’ abomination did. This also proves that not even death is faster than Chuck.

    Gary Kasparov couldn’t defeat Deep Blue in a chess game, Chuck stared at it for .01 second and the message I concede came up followed by a plea not to be roundhouse kicked. He roundhouse kicked it anyway.

    You can put the words “Chuck Norris” at the end of any line of code in any programming language in the world. Chuck can terminate anything he chooses not just lines of code.

    Chuck once wrote a statement on the console and pressed enter. Then flew into a rage and roundhouse kicked the computer growling, how dare you execute that line, I wasn’t done with it yet.

    You don’t need to mess with voltages and stuff to overclock a machine, you just show it a picture of Chuck Norris and the machine will overclock itself out of sheer fright.

    Chuck has a programming language all for himself, it is punctuated by punches and terminated by the Roundhouse kick.

  108. Me on February 12th, 2010 2:11 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t practice agile programming because his programs won’t ever need to be changed. They are perfect.

    There are no user interfaces that are not user friendly to chuck norris. He just stares at them till he gets what he wants.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t know the help function. He never needs it.

    Chuck’s PC doesn’t need an anti-virus program. His PC is always virus free because viruses would be afraid to enter his PC.

    The best anti-virus technique is letting Chuck Norris come nearby. The viruses will go away by themselves.

  109. Tune Up Your PC » Post Topic » Is Chuck Norris on your software engineering team? on March 2nd, 2010 12:05 am

    [...] Max Pool: …“It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him, and he “Chuck the Geek” picture above. [...]

  110. Brian Beck on March 2nd, 2010 2:32 pm

    Chuck Norris eats steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But sometimes he forgets to kill the cow.

    Aliens do exist they are just waiting for Chuck Norris to die.

    Chuck Norris’s version of a chocolate milkshake is a steak doused in diesel fuel, covered in chocolate, and the steak must be rare.

    Chuck Norris tells black jokes without looking over his shoulder.

  111. Ultimate top 25 Chuck Norris programmer jokes « Life & Code on March 9th, 2010 1:29 pm

    [...] classic Chuck Norris Programmer Jokes will make your inner geek cackle with glee, and if you’re into continuous integration [...]

  112. 17th Degree » Blog Archive » Happy Birthday Chuck Norris on March 11th, 2010 3:45 pm

    [...] In honor of Chuck Norris turning 70 (70! can you believe it?!), I give you 25 Chuck Norris “Programmer” Jokes. [...]

  113. rixthetrick on March 11th, 2010 4:07 pm

    Not impressed by the “floppy” chuck created the “hard disk”!

  114. Andreas on March 12th, 2010 6:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t pack files, they do it themselve.

  115. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:51 am

    Chuck norris roundhouse kicked a baby to the face.

  116. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:52 am

    I eat Rocks!!

  117. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:52 am

    I counted to infinaty 3 times now!

  118. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:53 am

    I have my own easy button!

  119. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:54 am

    i made my own style of fighting, roundhouse kick to the face

  120. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:54 am

    i shot down a german airplane by pointing my finger and saying bang

  121. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:55 am

    everytime the cookie monster eats a cookie chuck norris gets to roundhouse kick him

  122. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:56 am

    chuck norris makes pancakes by pounding rocks into flat patties

  123. Chuck norris on March 16th, 2010 2:56 am

    superman went home because chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the face

  124. tarrynne on March 17th, 2010 8:42 am

    chuck norris killed two stones with one bird

  125. Andreas Demmer » Wenn Chuck Norris twittern würde… on March 18th, 2010 11:16 pm

    [...] von diversen Chuck Norris Sprüchen (allen voran den Chuck Norris Programmierer-Witzen), hatte ich spontan vor Augen, wie es wäre wenn Chuck Norris twittern würde:Inspired by Chuck [...]

  126. bobdobbelina on March 21st, 2010 9:19 pm

    Nothing Esc Chuck Norris.

  127. rouhee on March 25th, 2010 6:52 am

    A user wrote “man Chuck Norris” in shell and the computer roundhouse kicked him.

  128. andrew on March 26th, 2010 5:37 pm

    chuck norris does’t throw and error, he throw’s a roundhousekicktothehead, there is no catching this.

  129. jiffy on March 29th, 2010 11:09 am

    chuck norris broke the land speed record on a bike missing the chain and a back wheel

    chuck norris is the reason waldo is hideing

  130. Peter on March 30th, 2010 9:05 am

    Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.

  131. Peter on March 30th, 2010 9:06 am

    Chuck Norris went to Burger King and oredered a Big Mac, and he got it…

  132. Peter on March 30th, 2010 9:07 am

    Lil Wayne isnt the best rapper alive… its chuck norris… because he makes sure your wrapped in bandages…

  133. Peter on March 30th, 2010 9:09 am

    Got Chuck? makes no sense right? i know, it doesn’t have to.

  134. Brenda Harris on April 1st, 2010 9:49 am

    Chuck Norris can speak Brail.

  135. Brenda Harris on April 1st, 2010 9:50 am

    When Chuck Norris goes in water, chuck norris doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

  136. Brenda Harris on April 1st, 2010 9:50 am

    Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

  137. Ulf Samuelsson on April 9th, 2010 6:08 pm

    When Chuck Norris calls malloc, it never fails.
    The OS does not dare to refuse him.

  138. The Norris on April 15th, 2010 1:29 am

    Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.

  139. SD on April 15th, 2010 7:05 am

    Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.

  140. SD on April 15th, 2010 7:10 am

    Chuck Norris can write to ROM

  141. SD on April 15th, 2010 7:23 am

    China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.

  142. Chuck Norris Welcomes You - Rob Reynolds - The Fervent Coder - Devlicio.us - Just the Tasty Bits on April 17th, 2010 8:55 am

    [...]  Chuck Norris doesn’t program with a keyboard. He stares the computer down until it does what he wa… [...]

  143. hazey on April 22nd, 2010 6:17 pm

    God created everything, Chuck Norris created God.

  144. Jacko on April 23rd, 2010 5:45 am

    Chuck Norris is the real father of jesus

  145. Jacko on April 23rd, 2010 5:46 am

    Chuck Norris won WW2 his own

  146. Jacko on April 23rd, 2010 5:47 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits

  147. Jacko on April 23rd, 2010 5:49 am

    Chuck Norris, Yes?

  148. Cleju on May 4th, 2010 5:49 am

    Chuck Norris CAN install 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines

  149. i like magic ponies on May 12th, 2010 8:05 am

    i like ponies

  150. CintitaX on May 19th, 2010 11:10 am

    Chuck didn’t wrote the command “kill”, the kernel prevented itself and worte it before Chuck get unger!

  151. Chuck Norris Facts on May 20th, 2010 7:51 am

    A computer company once invented a Chuck Norris operative system. Unfortunately it was a failure, since it ONLY obeyed orders that involved killing, drinking, or women.

  152. Jake on May 25th, 2010 5:43 pm

    chuck norris doesn’t have pubic hairs because hair doesn’t grow on balls of steal!

  153. Sam on May 29th, 2010 9:58 pm

    Chuck Norris CAN belive it not real butter! :)

  154. Abuckton on June 11th, 2010 6:35 am

    Chuck Norris replaces semaphores with a headlock

  155. Sri on June 29th, 2010 8:49 pm

    26. Chuck Norris can dereference a null pointer.
    27. Under the hood, all functions in all languages have this code:
    if(isUserChuckNorris()) { return SUCCESS;}
    else return EPIC_FAILURE;

    28. Chuck Norris can write to an input stream.
    29. Chuck Norris can read from an output stream.
    30. Chuck Norris never has to “sudo” any command. In fact, unbeknownst to everyone, UNIX aliases “sudo” to “chucknorris_mode”
    31. Chuck Norris never has to build his program to machine code. Machines have learnt to interpret Chuck Norris code.
    32. There can never be a Soviet Russia joke on Chuck Norris. Even in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you!

  156. Steve on June 30th, 2010 12:41 am

    Chuck Norris’ first program

    10 PRINT “KILL BAD GUY”
    20 GOTO 10

  157. Romero_Rus on June 30th, 2010 2:37 am

    Fist word Chuck was – IDDQD
    Second – IDKFA

  158. julien on June 30th, 2010 2:33 pm

    16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.

    Go back in time 5 years ago, replace “Chuck Norris” by “Internet Explorer”.

  159. Trillby on June 30th, 2010 7:06 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t just break encryption: he annihilates all trace of it.

  160. Me on July 2nd, 2010 3:32 pm

    Dirty Coward was an Ugly-Sucks before his meeting with a Chuck Norris

  161. ruzty on July 6th, 2010 7:26 am

    Chuck Norris does not do computer programming, the computer programs itself out of fear of receiving a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris…

  162. Geeky Chuck Norris Programming Jokes on July 15th, 2010 2:21 pm

    [...] codesqueeze.com. [...]

  163. Ivan on July 16th, 2010 12:26 pm

    > Chuck Norris can access private methods.

    Yeah! And here is the code

    #include

    // source private class
    class Foo {
    private:
    virtual void method() const {
    std::cout << "this is Foo::method" <method(); // compilation error

    // go kick compiler ass here!
    reinterpret_cast(foo)->method();
    return 0;
    };

  164. Ivan on July 16th, 2010 12:26 pm
  165. Oslo on August 4th, 2010 10:32 am

    Have to admit I didn’t read through the 600 comments but

    Chuck Norris’ unit tests don’t run. They die.

    Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.

    Chuck Norris only answers two questions at the stand-up. Chuck Norris knows no obstacles.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need an account. He just logs in.

    and my favorite non-nerd one

    Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

  166. ktutnik on August 9th, 2010 2:24 am

    How many chuck norris require to screw a light bulb?
    - none, because he will screw it all.

  167. Chuck Norris & Programming | nillus! blog on August 10th, 2010 11:02 am

    [...] Click here for the top 25 [...]

  168. Marcello de Sales on August 14th, 2010 1:18 pm

    Chuck Norris can “Svn Commit” artifacts with conflicts.

    Chuck Norris’ Reducers can terminate before the Mappers in Hadoop.

    Chuck Norris trained Anderson “Spider” Silva for UFC!

  169. wafo ko on August 27th, 2010 1:07 pm

    Chuck Norris does not need to be Jailbreak an iPhone, He’ll just round house kick it.

  170. kristi storms on September 9th, 2010 2:03 pm

    former wwe superstar chris benoit once used a roundhouse kick. a few days later, chris and his family were found dead inside their home.

  171. kristi storms on September 9th, 2010 2:03 pm

    the sun doesn’t come up until chuck norris tells it to.

  172. kristi storms on September 9th, 2010 2:04 pm

    chuck norris does not fear death, death fears chuck.

  173. kristi storms on September 9th, 2010 2:05 pm

    wwe superstar matt hardy will not die, until he meets chuck norris.

  174. Klamber|ext. on September 9th, 2010 8:43 pm

    Wifi searches Chuck Norris

  175. ... on September 15th, 2010 11:30 am

    Chuck Norris knows victoria’s secret.

  176. fulvio on September 29th, 2010 4:28 am

    Chuck Norris can make the upgrade at the upgrade

  177. fulvio on September 30th, 2010 7:42 am

    Chuck Norris download the emails whit his pickup

  178. alpha123 on October 6th, 2010 5:44 pm

    Chuck Norris can violate the MIT license

    Chuck Norris can save data to /dev/null and retrieve it later

    Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death

  179. Joshua Issac on October 13th, 2010 7:53 am

    16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.

    IE terms and conditions: Internet Explorer does not support W3C web standards and all code must conform to MSHTML.

    Therefore Chuck Norris = Internet Explorer.

    /kicksillyfoxintoocean

  180. New Web Content Actually Worth Reading (August 2009) | sepago on October 15th, 2010 3:44 am

    [...] more Chuck Norris jokes, these are mostly for programmers. Example: "Chuck Norris can access private [...]

  181. zeroesque on October 15th, 2010 11:55 am

    Immutable objects gladly change for Chuck.

  182. Runok on October 19th, 2010 2:18 pm

    look its a plane…no its a bird…no its superman!!!…well no..its chuck norris!!!!!!!!!

  183. The Return of APL Fingers « Analyze the Data not the Drivel. on November 15th, 2010 8:41 am

    [...] in almost a dozen programming languages but I maintain warm feelings for APL because I lost my coding virginity to [...]

  184. atze187 on December 7th, 2010 7:57 am

    Chuck Norris has never submitted any fact to this site. Chuck Norris does not believe in any form of submission.

  185. kebot on December 28th, 2010 11:19 pm

    Chuck Norris brother is Mal Noris! (malnourish)

    Chuck Norris Delta Force is way better than Brute Force.

    Chuck Norris OS runs in Real-World not Real-Time

  186. Shay on January 3rd, 2011 4:48 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need an iPad to get Wi-Fi. He can get Wi-Fi on his etch-a-sketch.

  187. alfred on January 22nd, 2011 7:42 am

    Ok here are mine:

    Chuck Norris wrote and compiled the first C compiler… in C.

    Chuck Norris computed all primes… in his sleep.

    Chuck Norris can reverse any hash… just by looking at it.

    All statements in a Chuck Norris script evaluate to true. Nothing contradicts Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris knows the linux kernel source code… from memory.

    Chuck Norris can perform a DoS attack by looking at a system.

    Chuck Norris coded an MMORPG in 160 bytes … using Befunge.

    When Chuck Norris uses the “do() … orelse{}” statement the computer either does magic or shuts it self down.

    Chuck Norris knows your ip.

    …and your password.

  188. Deutsches Java Blog von Jörg Herbst » Blog Archive » Chuck Norris und der Gott der Unterwelt on February 3rd, 2011 2:23 pm

    [...] Plugin auch einen gewissen Humor hat. Das Plugin gibt je nach Status den Build den ein oder anderen Programmiererwitz aus. Einer davon lautet sinngemäß “Chuck Norris doesn’t need a factory he can [...]

  189. rw on February 28th, 2011 11:36 am

    He prevents bugs to exist:
    Chuck Norris> mvn chuck-norris:kill-all-insurgent-bugs

  190. Call of duty black cocs on March 21st, 2011 11:34 pm

    Chuck norrises tears can cure cancer,too bad he never cries.

  191. Call of duty black cocs on March 21st, 2011 11:36 pm

    Did you know alien vs preditor was originally called chuck Norris
    vs alien but people didn’t want to see a 10 second movie

  192. 404 on April 10th, 2011 7:37 am

    1.When yo get error 404, then know – Chuck Norris has been there before you.

  193. Nizzel on April 15th, 2011 2:34 pm

    In .net I code against the CNR. Chuck Norris Runtime

  194. rs100 on April 18th, 2011 6:13 pm

    When Ray Tomlinson invented e-mail, he saw two e-mails from Chuck Norris.

  195. JimC on May 19th, 2011 1:35 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to podcasts, when he needs the information, he’ll beat it out of you…

  196. Itay on June 9th, 2011 5:54 am

    Every function Chuck Norris writes returns NULL, cause that’s what’s left after of stuff after it goes through Chuck Norris

  197. bl4ckb3rry on July 1st, 2011 1:35 pm

    Chuck Norris can dereference a NULL pointer.
    Chuck Norris can call main() recursively.
    Chuck Norris can execute an infinite loop in 5 seconds.

  198. Karl Turner of walsall on July 12th, 2011 12:25 pm

    The universe didnt start from a big bang. Chuck Norris clapped!

  199. whopper on July 12th, 2011 1:13 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t write programs, he generates all possible programs and chooses the one he wants.

    Chuck Norris can read a password typed in a password input box.

    The first language created was called C, after Chuck. To call it CN would have been redundant.

  200. Firdos Bashir on July 14th, 2011 5:02 pm

    In COD, Chuck norris doesnt kill 25 people to get the nuke, he already has it equipped!!

  201. Joe on July 17th, 2011 11:24 pm

    Chuck Norris can sort an array with O(1)

  202. Wednesday Weekly #sqlserver Links for 2011-29 | sqlmashup on July 20th, 2011 6:35 am

    [...] Geeks Wanna Have FunFriday Fun…. Anger Management pic…. #AngryBirds #TGIFAndroid Game Slice-It  SQLAndyThe Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes [...]

  203. jarubyh on July 21st, 2011 12:57 pm

    Chuck Norris uses Internet Explorer?

  204. Anon on July 25th, 2011 6:01 am

    Chuck Norris can follow CMMi Level 5 processes and write great software at the same time.

  205. Colbath on August 10th, 2011 3:47 pm

    That didn’t go the way I had planned.

    New markup tag:

    [ChuckNorris]Anything[/ChuckNorris]

    Turns anything into a broken board.

    (Change brackets to less than/greater than symbols for real markup symbols. Last attempt was removed by form handler).

  206. Scottievore on August 15th, 2011 9:52 am

    On Chuck Norris’ computer the “F” on Fn keys stands for “Fist”.

  207. SGP on August 18th, 2011 12:40 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection, his objects knows when they are not wanted.

    Chuck Norris can brute force anything in constant time.

    When Chuck Norris dereferences NULL pointers, he always gets what he wants.

    Chuck Norris does pair programming on his own.

    Chuck Norris never get locking wrong. His programs are too afraid to deadlock.

  208. off99555 on August 21st, 2011 4:56 am

    Chuck Norris brain is so clever. He create a computer that executes an infinite loop in just 3 seconds.

  209. Angie on August 21st, 2011 9:54 am

    The version of Windows that the Whitehouse and the CIA use is actually Windows 7 : Chuck Norris edition

  210. Erick on September 1st, 2011 3:36 pm

    Chuck Norris does extreme pair programming. With his balls.

    When Chuck Norris gets an exception in Java, it’s when the compiler stops to remark on his exceptionally good code.

  211. Ravi Chinoy on October 6th, 2011 4:17 pm

    Chuck Norris does not get any css error in IE 6

  212. Slasher_Z on October 7th, 2011 8:23 am

    Chuck Norris keyboard have f13

  213. asigurari locuinte on October 11th, 2011 1:14 am

    Chuck only does linear decision trees.

  214. Doctor on October 12th, 2011 8:54 am

    Chuck Norris can read original string from the MD5 hash without rainbow tables.

  215. solain on October 24th, 2011 12:12 pm

    chuck norris doesnt need anti-virus viruses need anti chuck

  216. CNFan on January 30th, 2012 5:03 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need CGLib to generate source codes. Source codes get generated on the fly when Chuck Norris needs it created.

    Chuck Norris’ Maven pom doesn’t contain dependencies to complete a project. For Chuck Norris, dependencies are only for the weak!!!

    Chuck Norris’ special Maven plugin goes like this: mvn ChuckNorris:doAll

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a version control system, he stores all diff codes of his project in his memory.

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