The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes
Filed Under Humor
1. When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
2. All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
3. Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
4. Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
5. Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
6. Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
7. Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
8. Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
9. All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
10. MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (he just lets you use it).
11. Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
12. Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
13. The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
14. Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
15. Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
17. “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
18. Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
19. Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
20. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
21. Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
22. Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
23. Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
24. Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
25. When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”.
Got any more? Comment them below…
216 Responses to “The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes”
A much needed Monday morning laugh ensued.
Thanks Max
Chuck Norris CAN divide by 0.
Chuck Norris’ keyboard has 2 keys: 0 and 1.
LOL brilliant.
My favorite is ”
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.”
LOL. I didn’t even know there were funny Chuck Norris jokes! How about this:
Reasons hacking is easy for Chuck Norris
1. Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
2. To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.
3. Malicious File Execution. Nuff said.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t need sudo, he just types “Chuck Norris” before his commands.
5. Two words: Brute Force.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.
Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.
[…] this list from this article and the […]
[…] El resto en inglés en CodeSqueeze […]
The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
Very nice jokes 🙂
Parent is the child of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use strongly-typed languages. He uses strong languages.
LOL! Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
On the flip side, who pays attention to estimates anyway!
For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris doesn’t get compiler errors, the language changes itself
to accommodate CN
All Starbucks baristas know Java in fear that one day Chuck Norris walks in and demands it.
Bill Gates thinks he’s Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.
The programs that Chuck Norris writes don’t have version numbers because he only writes them once. If a user reports a bug or has a feature request they don’t live to see the sun set.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in floating point numbers because they can’t be typed on his binary keyboard.
Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let’s Steve Jobs run the show when he’s on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a
mission.
Steve Jobs medical condition is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here’s the pseudo-code:
Break salesman into N pieces.
Kick each piece to a different city.
[…] http://www.codesqueeze.com/the-ultimate-top-25-chuck-norris-the-programmer-jokes/ […]
[…] via […]
No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
try to imagine why the kernel is in panic
3 option
1 – chuck norris
2 – chuck norris
3 – chuck norris
> When chuck norris point to NULL, Null scares.
> The function Chuck Norris writes can not have arguments
26. When I access a website I know all the people who writes, is writing, and will write in it and I can backtrace all of you.
“[T]here is no single development, in either technology or management technique, which by itself promises even one order-of-magnitude [tenfold] improvement within a decade in productivity, in reliability, in simplicity” …except for Chuck Norris.
Here’s what Chuck Norris didn’t tell you:
Before a website is created, Chuck Norris knows all the people who write, are writing, and will write in it and can backtrace all of them.
Chuck Norris never gets a syntax error.
Instead, The language gets an DoesNotConformToChuck error.
Chuck Norris doesn’t program with a keyboard.
He stares the computer down until it does what he wants.
“Chuck Norris doesn’t pair program.”
Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris’ keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can inherit from sealed/final classes.
Haven’t you heard? Richard Stallman is the new Chuck Norris.
http://www.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/675jj/richard_stallman_is_the_new_chuck_norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t delete files, he “Blows them away”.
Chuck Norris don’t need paaswords to access your system, he simply types * and system gives him access.
Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
Chuck norris breaks RSA 128-bit encrypted codes in mill-seconds
Chuck Norris doesn’t needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop
If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves
Visual SourceSafe actually works for Chuck Norris.
Intellisense doesn’t come from code. Intellisense comes from Chuck Norris’s mind.
Chuck Norris can read all encrypted data, because nothing can hide from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed
LOL @ Hugh… vss… blah
@Kartones What do you mean “the bugs fix themselves”? Chuck Norris doesn’t write bugs. Period.
When a bug sees Chuck Norris, it flees screaming in terror, and then immediately self-destructs to avoid being roundhouse-kicked.
Chuck Norris and “programming”? I think there has been a mix-up here.
What you meant was: “The Ultimate Jon Skeet “The Programmer” Jokes”, because when it comes to programming, Jon is the new Chuck (and he is no joke 😉 He is real).
Those Jon Skeet’s facts are here (since late November 2008 actually):
http://stackoverflow.com/questions/305223/jon-skeet-facts
Lol, Awesome:
Rider:
Chuck Norris can inherit from sealed/final classes.
Trevor Power:
Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
anon:
When a bug sees Chuck Norris, it flees screaming in terror, and then immediately self-destructs to avoid being roundhouse-kicked.
and now
@VonC:
Chuck once spat to create Jon Skeet for SO guys
Jack Bauer doesnt needs to know the last PI digit! If need for national security matters, he will make PI confess which is the last digit and who really is behind it!
[…] yazı şurdan çıktı. okurken yarıldım gülmekten hemen cüneyt arkınlısını yapam […]
[…] The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes Etiquetas: CHUCK NORRIS, lol, Programación Entradas relacionadas […]
[…] Pool lists The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes. Comments are fun to read […]
Chuck Norris doesn’t ask the computer to do some tasks, he just force it to do them
Chuck Norris command line:
Chuck Norris>
Error, nothing follows Chuck Norris.
Instead of writing the assigned “Hello World” program in CSc 110, Chuck Norris rewrote the Google search engine from scratch.
“Chuck Norris doesn’t need the cloud to scale his applications, he uses his laptop”
[…] The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes – […]
Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI
Chuck Norris’s keyboard has the Any key.
Chuck Norris’ programs never exit, they terminate!
Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.
Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.
If Chuck Norris sings karaoke you better not smile
Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime
Chuck Norris doesn’t need an OS.
Chuck Norris’s OSI network model has only one layer- Physical.
Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
Chuck Norris does not declare vars. He owns them.
All items in linked lists are linking to Chuck Norris.
Bubble sort, quick sort, bla bla sort.
Chuck Norris does not sort, he sorts things out.
Chuck Norris does not sort. He creates order!
Chuck Norris does not sort. He says what he wants and gets it.
Chuck Norris does not sort. He doesn’t need to. He gives a name, and the searched data steps forward.
Chuck Norris does not execute transactions. He makes’em pay!
Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit “COMMIT” in its end.
Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always…
Chuck Norris never gets “data-trancated” error. Instead, his run-time environment logs “variable-extended”.
Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.
Chuck Norris does need specifications. He has a technical writer to describe what he had done.
Well…
Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris
[…] more Chuck Norris jokes, these are mostly for programmers. Example: “Chuck Norris can access private […]
[…] plugin displays a picture of Chuck Norris, instead of Hudson the butler, and a random Chuck Norris ‘The Programmer’ fact on each build […]
Chuck Norris doesn’t need version controlling because all his source files are prohibited to have revision number greater than 1.
Chuck Norris can tag himself in Youtube
Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive
Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
Chuck Norris doesnt cheat death. he wins fair and square
Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves
With Chuck Norris P = NP. There’s no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions !
The big bang happened when Mr T complained Chuck wasn’t logging his time in Jira.
Chuck only does linear decision trees.
Chuck Noriss put the fun in funral
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did
Chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Chuck norris can win in a game of rush and rolet with a fully loaded gun
Chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hiding
Chuck norris eats lightning and shits out thunder
if you have $5 and chuck norris has $5, chuck norris has more money than you.
if you have $50 and chuck norris has $50 dollars, chuck norris still has more money than you,
because you don’t have money.you borrow it from chuck norris.
Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.
If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
When Chuck Norris falls into water, chuck doesnt get wet, water gets Chuck Norris.
No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.
No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris’ code and lived to tell about it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need Google. Google needs Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can order programs run faster.
Chuck Norris will kill all programs that perform an illegal operation.
Chuck Norris does not sort, he orders.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
Chuck Norris runs Windows 7 on his etch-a-sketch.
“I’m a PC and Windows 7 was Chuck Norris’ idea!”
Someone once emailed Chuck Norris about a mandatory CMMI meeting. Chuck Norris emailed a blank reply with no subject and one attachment… roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
under his beard chuck norris dosn’t have a chin he has a third fist
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
A diff between your code and Chuck Norris’s is infinite.
My Chuck Norris Eclipse plugin made alien contact.
Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.
Don’t worry about tests, Chuck Norris’s test cases cover your code too.
Each hair in Chuck Norris’s beard contribute to make the world’s largest DDOS.
Chuck Norris’s log statements are always at the FATAL level.
Chuck Norris’s database has only one table, ‘Kick’, which he DROPs frequently.
Chuck Norris’ css uses the kick-box-model
chuck norris finished world of warcraft lol brilliant XD
Chuk Norris’s PC hard drive can store up to infinity! the message box ” Low disk space” or ” No disk space try again” will not be applicable to Chuk Norrise at any level!!
Chuk Norrise can write SQL statements to retrieve data from NULL points!
ERROR! will NEVER appear when Chuk Norrise is using the PC
Chuk Norrise’s files and documents are saved as .chuk files
Chuk Norrise’s laptop battery will never die without power. the battery wish to die only by Chuk’s Roundhouse kick!!
When Chuck Norris break the build, you can’t fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.
Chuck Norris types with 2 fingers.
He points them at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
Chuck Norris’s programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris’s programs, it backfires.
Chuck Norris’s brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.
Chuck Norris CAN drink and drive.
Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds
Contrary to Popular Belif Chuck Norris’ First Program wasn’t nicknamed “HelloWorld” it was “GoodbyeWorld” because it was too simple!
Chuck Norris writes progrom with self destructor bug, if it happens to raise, it will destroy itself.
when chuck norris is on the tv you dont watch chuck norris chuck norris watches you !!!
[…] If these make you laugh then this plugin is definitely for you. Once installed, a random Chuck Norris Programmer fact will appear on your build page along with a picture of Chuck Norris. His demeanor in that […]
Chuck Norris can make void functions return a value
Chuck norris can use VB in a Mac
Windows does not ask chuk norris a password, chuck norris ask Windows for a password
chuck norris doesnt need to use endif
For all those of you who like SCRUM:
All projects become Agile when Chuck Norris is looking.
Chuck Norris has the shortest scrum meetings in town.
There is only one person standing in a Chuck Norris scrum meeting.
Stand-up meetings never work for Chuck Norris. Would you like to stand up to him?
Chuck Norris never has a Backlog. It flies in stark terror when he starts telling Stories.
Chuck Norris considers Sprints futile. He’ll catch you anyway!
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a Sprint to hit his targets.
It is not necessary to isolate Chuck Norris during a Sprint. No-one can keep up with him anyway.
Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.
Just before you get the Blue Screen Of Death in windows you get a picture of Chuck Norris for a microsecond. This is called the Blue Screen Of Chuck and means that Chuck got to your computer before Gates’ abomination did. This also proves that not even death is faster than Chuck.
Gary Kasparov couldn’t defeat Deep Blue in a chess game, Chuck stared at it for .01 second and the message I concede came up followed by a plea not to be roundhouse kicked. He roundhouse kicked it anyway.
You can put the words “Chuck Norris” at the end of any line of code in any programming language in the world. Chuck can terminate anything he chooses not just lines of code.
Chuck once wrote a statement on the console and pressed enter. Then flew into a rage and roundhouse kicked the computer growling, how dare you execute that line, I wasn’t done with it yet.
You don’t need to mess with voltages and stuff to overclock a machine, you just show it a picture of Chuck Norris and the machine will overclock itself out of sheer fright.
Chuck has a programming language all for himself, it is punctuated by punches and terminated by the Roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris doesn’t practice agile programming because his programs won’t ever need to be changed. They are perfect.
There are no user interfaces that are not user friendly to chuck norris. He just stares at them till he gets what he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t know the help function. He never needs it.
Chuck’s PC doesn’t need an anti-virus program. His PC is always virus free because viruses would be afraid to enter his PC.
The best anti-virus technique is letting Chuck Norris come nearby. The viruses will go away by themselves.
[…] Max Pool: …“It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him, and he “Chuck the Geek” picture above. […]
Chuck Norris eats steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But sometimes he forgets to kill the cow.
Aliens do exist they are just waiting for Chuck Norris to die.
Chuck Norris’s version of a chocolate milkshake is a steak doused in diesel fuel, covered in chocolate, and the steak must be rare.
Chuck Norris tells black jokes without looking over his shoulder.
[…] classic Chuck Norris Programmer Jokes will make your inner geek cackle with glee, and if you’re into continuous integration […]
[…] In honor of Chuck Norris turning 70 (70! can you believe it?!), I give you 25 Chuck Norris “Programmer” Jokes. […]
Not impressed by the “floppy” chuck created the “hard disk”!
Chuck Norris doesn’t pack files, they do it themselve.
Chuck norris roundhouse kicked a baby to the face.
I eat Rocks!!
I counted to infinaty 3 times now!
I have my own easy button!
i made my own style of fighting, roundhouse kick to the face
i shot down a german airplane by pointing my finger and saying bang
everytime the cookie monster eats a cookie chuck norris gets to roundhouse kick him
chuck norris makes pancakes by pounding rocks into flat patties
superman went home because chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the face
chuck norris killed two stones with one bird
[…] von diversen Chuck Norris Sprüchen (allen voran den Chuck Norris Programmierer-Witzen), hatte ich spontan vor Augen, wie es wäre wenn Chuck Norris twittern würde:Inspired by Chuck […]
Nothing Esc Chuck Norris.
A user wrote “man Chuck Norris” in shell and the computer roundhouse kicked him.
chuck norris does’t throw and error, he throw’s a roundhousekicktothehead, there is no catching this.
chuck norris broke the land speed record on a bike missing the chain and a back wheel
chuck norris is the reason waldo is hideing
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris went to Burger King and oredered a Big Mac, and he got it…
Lil Wayne isnt the best rapper alive… its chuck norris… because he makes sure your wrapped in bandages…
Got Chuck? makes no sense right? i know, it doesn’t have to.
Chuck Norris can speak Brail.
When Chuck Norris goes in water, chuck norris doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
When Chuck Norris calls malloc, it never fails.
The OS does not dare to refuse him.
Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
Chuck Norris can write to ROM
China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
[…] Chuck Norris doesn’t program with a keyboard. He stares the computer down until it does what he wa… […]
God created everything, Chuck Norris created God.
Chuck Norris is the real father of jesus
Chuck Norris won WW2 his own
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits
Chuck Norris, Yes?
Chuck Norris CAN install 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines
i like ponies
Chuck didn’t wrote the command “kill”, the kernel prevented itself and worte it before Chuck get unger!
A computer company once invented a Chuck Norris operative system. Unfortunately it was a failure, since it ONLY obeyed orders that involved killing, drinking, or women.
chuck norris doesn’t have pubic hairs because hair doesn’t grow on balls of steal!
Chuck Norris CAN belive it not real butter! 🙂
Chuck Norris replaces semaphores with a headlock
26. Chuck Norris can dereference a null pointer.
27. Under the hood, all functions in all languages have this code:
if(isUserChuckNorris()) { return SUCCESS;}
else return EPIC_FAILURE;
28. Chuck Norris can write to an input stream.
29. Chuck Norris can read from an output stream.
30. Chuck Norris never has to “sudo” any command. In fact, unbeknownst to everyone, UNIX aliases “sudo” to “chucknorris_mode”
31. Chuck Norris never has to build his program to machine code. Machines have learnt to interpret Chuck Norris code.
32. There can never be a Soviet Russia joke on Chuck Norris. Even in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you!
Chuck Norris’ first program
10 PRINT “KILL BAD GUY”
20 GOTO 10
Fist word Chuck was – IDDQD
Second – IDKFA
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
Go back in time 5 years ago, replace “Chuck Norris” by “Internet Explorer”.
Chuck Norris doesn’t just break encryption: he annihilates all trace of it.
Dirty Coward was an Ugly-Sucks before his meeting with a Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris does not do computer programming, the computer programs itself out of fear of receiving a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris…
[…] codesqueeze.com. […]
> Chuck Norris can access private methods.
Yeah! And here is the code
#include
// source private class
class Foo {
private:
virtual void method() const {
std::cout << "this is Foo::method" <method(); // compilation error
// go kick compiler ass here!
reinterpret_cast(foo)->method();
return 0;
};
http://dolzhenko.blogspot.com/2009/01/c-reinterpretcast-private.html
Have to admit I didn’t read through the 600 comments but
Chuck Norris’ unit tests don’t run. They die.
Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.
Chuck Norris only answers two questions at the stand-up. Chuck Norris knows no obstacles.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need an account. He just logs in.
and my favorite non-nerd one
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
How many chuck norris require to screw a light bulb?
– none, because he will screw it all.
[…] Click here for the top 25 […]
Chuck Norris can “Svn Commit” artifacts with conflicts.
Chuck Norris’ Reducers can terminate before the Mappers in Hadoop.
Chuck Norris trained Anderson “Spider” Silva for UFC!
Chuck Norris does not need to be Jailbreak an iPhone, He’ll just round house kick it.
former wwe superstar chris benoit once used a roundhouse kick. a few days later, chris and his family were found dead inside their home.
the sun doesn’t come up until chuck norris tells it to.
chuck norris does not fear death, death fears chuck.
wwe superstar matt hardy will not die, until he meets chuck norris.
Wifi searches Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris knows victoria’s secret.
Chuck Norris can make the upgrade at the upgrade
Chuck Norris download the emails whit his pickup
Chuck Norris can violate the MIT license
Chuck Norris can save data to /dev/null and retrieve it later
Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
IE terms and conditions: Internet Explorer does not support W3C web standards and all code must conform to MSHTML.
Therefore Chuck Norris = Internet Explorer.
/kicksillyfoxintoocean
[…] more Chuck Norris jokes, these are mostly for programmers. Example: "Chuck Norris can access private […]
Immutable objects gladly change for Chuck.
look its a plane…no its a bird…no its superman!!!…well no..its chuck norris!!!!!!!!!
[…] in almost a dozen programming languages but I maintain warm feelings for APL because I lost my coding virginity to […]
Chuck Norris has never submitted any fact to this site. Chuck Norris does not believe in any form of submission.
Chuck Norris brother is Mal Noris! (malnourish)
Chuck Norris Delta Force is way better than Brute Force.
Chuck Norris OS runs in Real-World not Real-Time
Chuck Norris doesn’t need an iPad to get Wi-Fi. He can get Wi-Fi on his etch-a-sketch.
Ok here are mine:
Chuck Norris wrote and compiled the first C compiler… in C.
Chuck Norris computed all primes… in his sleep.
Chuck Norris can reverse any hash… just by looking at it.
All statements in a Chuck Norris script evaluate to true. Nothing contradicts Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the linux kernel source code… from memory.
Chuck Norris can perform a DoS attack by looking at a system.
Chuck Norris coded an MMORPG in 160 bytes … using Befunge.
When Chuck Norris uses the “do() … orelse{}” statement the computer either does magic or shuts it self down.
Chuck Norris knows your ip.
…and your password.
[…] Plugin auch einen gewissen Humor hat. Das Plugin gibt je nach Status den Build den ein oder anderen Programmiererwitz aus. Einer davon lautet sinngemäß “Chuck Norris doesn’t need a factory he can […]
He prevents bugs to exist:
Chuck Norris> mvn chuck-norris:kill-all-insurgent-bugs
Chuck norrises tears can cure cancer,too bad he never cries.
Did you know alien vs preditor was originally called chuck Norris
vs alien but people didn’t want to see a 10 second movie
1.When yo get error 404, then know – Chuck Norris has been there before you.
In .net I code against the CNR. Chuck Norris Runtime
When Ray Tomlinson invented e-mail, he saw two e-mails from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to podcasts, when he needs the information, he’ll beat it out of you…
Every function Chuck Norris writes returns NULL, cause that’s what’s left after of stuff after it goes through Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can dereference a NULL pointer.
Chuck Norris can call main() recursively.
Chuck Norris can execute an infinite loop in 5 seconds.
The universe didnt start from a big bang. Chuck Norris clapped!
Chuck Norris doesn’t write programs, he generates all possible programs and chooses the one he wants.
Chuck Norris can read a password typed in a password input box.
The first language created was called C, after Chuck. To call it CN would have been redundant.
In COD, Chuck norris doesnt kill 25 people to get the nuke, he already has it equipped!!
Chuck Norris can sort an array with O(1)
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Chuck Norris uses Internet Explorer?
Chuck Norris can follow CMMi Level 5 processes and write great software at the same time.
That didn’t go the way I had planned.
New markup tag:
[ChuckNorris]Anything[/ChuckNorris]
Turns anything into a broken board.
(Change brackets to less than/greater than symbols for real markup symbols. Last attempt was removed by form handler).
On Chuck Norris’ computer the “F” on Fn keys stands for “Fist”.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection, his objects knows when they are not wanted.
Chuck Norris can brute force anything in constant time.
When Chuck Norris dereferences NULL pointers, he always gets what he wants.
Chuck Norris does pair programming on his own.
Chuck Norris never get locking wrong. His programs are too afraid to deadlock.
Chuck Norris brain is so clever. He create a computer that executes an infinite loop in just 3 seconds.
The version of Windows that the Whitehouse and the CIA use is actually Windows 7 : Chuck Norris edition
Chuck Norris does extreme pair programming. With his balls.
When Chuck Norris gets an exception in Java, it’s when the compiler stops to remark on his exceptionally good code.
Chuck Norris does not get any css error in IE 6
Chuck Norris keyboard have f13
Chuck only does linear decision trees.
Chuck Norris can read original string from the MD5 hash without rainbow tables.
chuck norris doesnt need anti-virus viruses need anti chuck
Chuck Norris doesn’t need CGLib to generate source codes. Source codes get generated on the fly when Chuck Norris needs it created.
Chuck Norris’ Maven pom doesn’t contain dependencies to complete a project. For Chuck Norris, dependencies are only for the weak!!!
Chuck Norris’ special Maven plugin goes like this: mvn ChuckNorris:doAll
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a version control system, he stores all diff codes of his project in his memory.