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The Paris Hilton Approach To Software Development

Filed Under Human Factors, Software Process

Paris Hilton

By nature, I am a very peaceful man that loves all of God’s creatures; however, it has been a long time opinion of mine that Paris Hilton must be assassinated for her crimes against humanity. Paris Hilton embodies everything that everybody hates, and as a shocking result – everybody hates her.

Here is the kicker – I see these same traits in some very arrogant developers. So what can we learn from Paris Hilton the developer?

Never Learn Anything

Why learn a new language when you already know at least 3 keywords in the language you grew up with? Once you realize that “hot” is not a keyword in Java (although I am officially proposing it should be), perhaps it is time to grow up and break out of your shell.

Being lazy and apathetic to learning truly is this generation’s new learning disability. Continuous learning is a cornerstone to a healthy lifestyle, but absolutely essential to stay in the software development limelight. Don’t be a dummy and think that you can get away with your current skills for the rest of your career.

Think You’re The Shit

Thinking that the center of the universe is you is a classic developer mistake. You are not that special. There are millions of people that can also develop software, and just because a small group of people depend on your skills does not give you a right to think you are better than them. Guess what buddy, you are dependent on the rest of the company for that paycheck every month.

Look Busy And Accomplish Nothing

Go ahead, run from meeting to meeting looking like a chicken with it’s head cut off. People will (and unfortunately do) view that as productivity. However, the more time you spend looking productive the less time you are being productive.

Productivity is measured with tangible results, not with time and energy spent.

Blame Others For Your Mistakes

Who just broke the build? Oh girlfriend, it must have been that bitch Nicole.

Blaming others for your mistakes is just weak. You suck because you suck. Get over yourself and go learn how to fix it…oh yeah…I forgot you have the learning disability…sorry…

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Comments

19 Responses to “The Paris Hilton Approach To Software Development”

  1. Corey on August 4th, 2008 7:29 am

    Let’s not forget about the “non-arrogant” judgmental developers. Arrogance is something as a software engineer I have learned to just accept, both in my attempt to not be, and perceiving others as such. It’s learning how to communicate with all kinds that’s the real challenge, and being judgmental doesn’t usually help.

  2. Kevin Berridge on August 4th, 2008 11:26 am

    You just wanted to put a picture of Paris Hilton in your blog didn’t you?

  3. Max Pool on August 4th, 2008 12:07 pm

    @Kevin –

    More than anything…

  4. Xero on August 4th, 2008 8:34 pm

    LOL @ “You suck because you suck.”

    I do wish that the real Paris Hilton worked on my dev team. It would spice things up a bit. But when Paris Hilton the developer is on the team, but she is ugly, then somebody needs to get fired.

    – Xero
    black.of.hat@gmail.com
    http://black-of-hat.blogspot.com/

  5. Robz on August 4th, 2008 10:20 pm

    I broke the build…two weeks ago and I still can’t get rid of the build breaking toy (http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/6708/) which is a plush RABIES doll!

    Oh and by the way. “That’s Hoooot.”

  6. Robz on August 4th, 2008 10:20 pm

    Hottttt. Love the picture

  7. Nathan Blevins on August 5th, 2008 6:50 am

    If Hilton developers were as hot as Hilton, I could almost sympathize w/ them… 😉

    Actually, very excellent point. There is nothing less productive than a Paris Hilton developer. Humility and willingness to learn / grow are two MAJOR traits of what I think to be an excellent developer. Once pride gets in the way, learning stops and that person become stagnant.

  8. Justin B. on August 5th, 2008 1:45 pm

    Max,

    Are you saying that you are not the shit? I was pretty sure you were.

  9. Max Pool on August 5th, 2008 1:49 pm

    @Justin B –

    When it comes to software, who can say…

    When it comes to knitting blankets, hell yes…

  10. Neal Blomfield on August 5th, 2008 2:09 pm

    Great article. From the vehemence it sounds like you tripped over one of these recently =)

  11. Sherpie on August 6th, 2008 10:38 am

    Someone needs to sterilize that thing before it reproduces

  12. Mike on August 6th, 2008 6:56 pm

    I will never go to one of their hotels. Never again. They dont deserve my hard earned money.

  13. Diogo Neves on August 13th, 2008 5:27 pm

    She actually said something intelligent in is last video… she learned something (@ least that she should have a PR).
    And yet is stupidity as been good for her popularity until now and possibly she is doing the paper of stupid and bitch because is actually the best way to be recognized.

    Sorry by my bad english… i’m fixing it 😉

  14. oliver on August 13th, 2008 9:54 pm

    parish in a dev office well that is the shit.

  15. Ryan Farley on August 17th, 2008 5:28 pm

    Great post. Also, for the Paris Hilton approach for software development would include developers who lack basic communication skills and the ability to understand requirements.

    BTW, this post is likely to result in a whole new type of google traffic for your blog 🙂

    -Ryan

  16. roné/di/kristu on April 21st, 2009 12:54 am

    It takes one to know one? 😉

  17. Paris Hilton Driven Development (PDD) | sgoliver.net blog on April 21st, 2009 4:35 am

    […] para hacer algo más ameno el día. Navegando por un montón de noticias atrasadas he encontrado un artículo que me ha hecho sonreir al menos por un […]

  18. UnderCoding » Blog Archive » Paris Hilton Driven Development (PDD) on May 18th, 2009 1:31 am

    […] para hacer algo más ameno el día. Navegando por un montón de noticias atrasadas he encontrado un artículo que me ha hecho sonreir al menos por un […]

  19. Matt Wise on July 26th, 2011 6:03 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAH she is attractive

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